You Say I'm Unlovable?

I guess you were wrong

To the girls who kicked sand in my face and told me atrocious things that I’ve ruminated on for the last fifteen years, you were wrong. Being bullied has shaped a lot of my perspective in how I approach the world and how I treat relationships. You did it! You let me ruin my own life for almost two decades. But the fog has lifted and I’m now able to see that everything you said to me like, “you will always be unlovable,” “you are unworthy of anything,” “you deserve to die,” “kill yourself,” and “fucking die already,” are simply not true. I feel free from the grip of your brash unkindness and desperate plea to make me apologize for who I am. You no longer have a stronghold on me. I am seeing the other side now and you were incorrect. I am elated to still be alive and I have proof that I am worthy of love, even when I am alone

. It took me too long to come to this conclusion and maybe that’s because I was expecting some sort of apology I always knew I would never receive. Your words have remained in my head like neverending belting clock tower and have inherited my nervous system for far too long. I am releasing you from the chains that have kept you locked in my head. I do not forgive you, no. Rather, I am finally detached, healed and do not want to expel anymore energy on such evil, conceited and uncaring individuals.

I do not speak to any of you anymore because I felt it was no longer safe to be myself. I’m proud of who I am and who I have grown to be a caring, worthy individual. I am grateful for the lessons your hatred has taught me. Thank you for making me question every relationship, whether platonic or romantic; it has been a clarifying factor in many decisions and it has in some ways been helpful. But your words and actions caused a lot of hurt.I want to wish bad things upon you all, but then I’d be the bully and I refuse to be the bad guy in this situation that you helped procure for me. I am finished waiting for any of you to say sorry or take ownership of the pain you have caused me. I’m finished living in your prison so that I can finally live my life properly; with an open heart and open mind, unafraid of the unknown. I no longer crave your twisted validation or half-assed friendship. You do not deserve me.

Instead, I hope you have healed the evil which was inside of you when we were so young.

I’m still alive and for what it’s worth and I love myself. I do not need outside validation to know I am worthy of the whole entire world. I hope you are all well and thriving. I hope you have warmed your hearts and approach the world with undying, relentless kindness. You no longer are in my thoughts. The curse has been lifted. Good l luke and good riddance.